If I think long enough about how this summer has gone so far, I am blown away by how God has provided, challenged, and revealed Himself to me in ways that I would have never thought possible. Again, if I think long enough about how this summer has gone so far, I should also find out that it wouldn't have gone any other way.
God has guided me and provided for me so many times before that I should not be surprised by what He is doing in my life this summer. He guided me to Pepperdine, through some of the hardest relationships, and through the most uncertain times in my life. Not to say that I have it all figured out, by no means, but I know that He is opening and closing certain doors to get me to where He wants me to be.
This past year was the grandest of all the college years: senior year. Along with the celebration and the accomplishments came the stress and uncertainty of, "what am I actually doing with my life?" I applied to dozens of jobs that I thought I'd do well in. In a few cases, I thought I would certainly receive a job offer after multiple interviews and what seemed to be very good impressions. Those were definitely the most disappointing rejections. I mean, to think that you are a shoe in and then find out that you weren't what they were looking for, for lack of a better term, sucks.
When friends and family would find out that I didn't get this job or the next, the response I'd get was always, "God has a better plan for you." And they really meant it, I know they did. I just didn't believe it. All I could think of was, "Oh, shut up!" It does sometimes feel like a load of crap when someone says that God has something better or that "everything happens for a reason."
But God is a funny. A good friend of mine suggested that I apply to this summer job with this organization called YouthWorks. It's a Christian organization that seeks to impact the lives of youth and communities through service in different parts of the United States. I began the application process one night and decided to shut it down after a few minutes. The very next day, however, I got a call from a YouthWorks representative asking if I had any questions about the application process and she encouraged me to always call if I had anything else I wanted to talk about. And so I thought, "well, why NOT apply?" The more I looked into it, the more I thought I might be a good fit. I'm a relational person. I do have experience serving in different parts of the world. And, I mean, I wouldn't mind working with kids all summer. They're not my favorite but, why not? I applied and interviewed. I loved the people I talked with and the vision they were casting about what YouthWorks was about. I loved the service aspect of the job I would be doing and I loved the idea of being all about building relationships all summer. I ended up receiving a job offer as a summer service coordinator, where my job would be to serve alongside participants and build relationships with service partners (among other things.) I was hired in March, about a month or so before graduating from Pepperdine.
I must admit, YouthWorks wasn't my top choice in terms of "what-do-I-wanna-do-immediately-after-college" choices. I applied to many more jobs and made what I thought were many more good impressions. YouthWorks was something that I just coming back to and I was forced to always consider. I don't think I ever sat down and prayed about what to do, though I was always encouraged to do so. I think one day I just decided, "I think that's something I can do." And so I decided that I'd work for YouthWorks during the summer of 2013.
This job, this summer, and this experience has been, hands down, one of the coolest and one of the most soul stirring things I've ever done. It's always hard to explain what we do at YouthWorks without over-simplifying it and without leaving out the most important little details. In short, I have the opportunity to work with groups of 60 or so people from all over the country. There are usually three or four different youth groups that come each week and our team of four hosts them at a church in Washington Park in Denver, CO. We build relationships with these people, we serve alongside them, we run around all day doing errands, we solve this problem or the next, we prep meals for 60+ people with the help of the youth, we go to bed late and wake up (unfortunately) early. It's easily one of the most relentless jobs I've ever had. Groups arrive on Sunday and once they arrive we don't stop; we're always on call and always on duty until they leave on Friday mornings. I've learned so much so fast and oftentimes it's on the fly. There are no real moments of hesitation with our job; we have to make the best decisions with limited time. It's crazy and I'm always tired, but, and I didn't think I would have ever said this, I wouldn't have it any other way and I know God guided me to this exact moment in my life.
I love it so much.
I think the Lord is doing special things this summer through YouthWorks. I don't exactly know how to explain it, nor do I know what special things are occurring at the moment. I can just sense a stirring in my heart. I've never been at a place in my life where I am doing my best to be focused on God and at a place in my life where I am doing my best to listen to what He is saying. I love this job. I love working with these kids and I love being super silly and goofy. I love being able to minister to kids and they able to minister to me. I could literally cry as to how awesome this summer has been so far.
The kids have opportunities to write each other notes of encouragement throughout the week and they often write to the staff. I have a lot of little notes from kids. I don't mean to come off as boasting because that's not what I intend at all. It's just so heartwarming to know that you have had an impact on a child's life and I can see each of their faces as I read their notes and it swells my heart to a place where it could just burst with joy. The more I think about what my job is, the more I fall in love with it every day. Sure, it is hard. I do get frustrated. For example, I get frustrated with team members and some adult leaders who are particular about little things but, I am so so blessed that God has taken me to this location at this point in my life to work with these particular people. Each of them is leaving a handprint on my heart that I will never EVER forget about. I may never EVER see them again. But I know that when we get to heaven I will be able to see their faces again and be goofy and dance around with them and the Lord. It's so beautiful.
I've been listening to a song and in the last part of the song it says, "may we learn to love like you and may we learn to fall to our faces." At this time in my life: full of transitions like being out of Pepperdine, moving back home, friends scattering around the world, and growing in important relationships, I can hear God asking, "Do you trust me? Will you finally lay everything at my feet and Trust me?" It's hard and scary because I like to control certain things in my life, but I think God is asking me to fall to my face and lift my hands up in surrender knowing full well that there is freedom in doing so.
Recently I've been meditating much on Psalm 48.
"Great is the Lord, and most worthy of praise, in the city of our God, his holy mountain.
Beautiful in its loftiness, the joy of the whole earth,
like the heights of Zaphon is Mount Zion, the city of the Great King.
God is in her citadels; he has shown himself to be her fortress.
When the kings joined forces, when they advanced together, they saw her and were astounded; they fled in terror. Trembling seized them there, pain like that of a woman in labor.
You destroyed them like ships of Tarshish shattered by an east wind.
As we have heard, so we have seen in the city of the Lord Almighty, in the city of our God: God makes her secure forever.
Within your temple, O God, we meditate on your unfailing love.
Like your name, O God, your praise reaches to the ends of the earth; your right hand is filled with righteousness.
Mount Zion rejoices, the villages of Judah are glad because of your judgments.
Walk about Zion, go around her, count her towers, consider well her ramparts, view her citadels, that you may tell of them to the next generation.
For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end."
God invites us into His presence every day. He calls us to walk about Zion; to come take a look at what He's doing in our lives; to taste and see that He is good; to consider Him well; and to meditate on His unfailing love. I may have never realized it, but God has been my guide. When I had little faith, He guided me all the more. He has brought me to a place of peace amidst uncertainty and He's slowly taking me to a place of full surrender. I know that He is inviting me deeper into relationship with Him to ponder His ways and consider Him well.
If I think long enough about how my summer has gone so far, I am blown away by the growth that is taking place. I know I'll look back some time in the future and point out that something special happened during the summer of 2013.
When I consider Him long enough, I find that God has given me little glimpses of His kingdom all summer long and that He will continue to do so every day of my life, I just have to open my eyes and my heart. For this God is my God who has provided for me, who has given and taken away, and who has invited ME into relationship with Him. This is my God and He will be my guide even until the end.