{Changes}

Chill, it's gonna be okay. 

Hi.

As always, I never write down enough of my thoughts. When I do, though, I feel like they come out quite nicely. If you decide to read this I hope you find something to relate to or learn from. Most of all, I hope you see God's hand in it all.

Moving to Minnesota is easily the most interesting and difficult thing I've ever done in my life. I thought traveling was strange, I thought grad school was kinda hard, I even thought Pepperdine would be the greatest experience of my life. All of those things are true, but this experience - moving to Minnesota - has been all of the things I listed and more.

It's been hard. Moving away from family, friends, and literally every person I've ever known is hard. It's so strange to walk into a church or grocery store and know that literally no one is going to recognize you. There's a zero percent chance that anyone will say, "Hey is that Gus? Whoa long time no see man!" I know that's a strange thing to think about, but I didn't realize I liked randomly bumping into people until there was no one to bump into.

I've definitely missed a sense of home. Leading up to my birthday weekend I was really bummed out because I knew that my friends would have probably planned to go eat Korean BBQ and driven to the beach or something. I was bummed because it was a time I really wanted to be taken care of and loved, but it just didn't feel like that would happen.

Minnesota is also quite different. For one, everything is SO green. Like there are trees everywhere it's amazing. And now they're starting to change color, which is something I've seldom seen, so it looks even more awesome. Another thing I've noticed is just how fast life is in LA. We're always moving back n forth - trying to find the best parking spot, trying to beat traffic, trying to eat quickly so we can go to the next thing - and here things just feel a tad bit slower, which I love. Also, the weather here is so weird. In a 4 week span it went from humid beyond belief to raining to humid again. Now it's cooled down significantly, which I suppose is the deep breathe before the frozen tundra of winter arrives.

Though it has been hard, this move has come with tremendous (TREMENDOUS) blessings. I've met, and now have the honor of working with, some of the most incredible people I will probably ever meet (my RA's). We have laughed so hard, we've cried together, we've created some wonderful memories in just a short two months. Which is also crazy. I can't believe I met these people just about two months ago. Now, I can't imagine my life without them. It's pretty incredible how, I believe, God brings people together in particular places at particular times. We've gone from absolute strangers to absolutely family and it's actually really amazing.

The coolest story I've had so far probably came about a time that I was most down. I was approaching my birthday and I was really missing home. My RA's surprised me with a billion balloons and cake at midnight, which I really was not expecting. The next day they kidnapped me (yes, actually kidnapped me with a blindfold and everything) and took me to breakfast at a place I think I mentioned once to them. The truth was that they took care of me on a day that I was sincerely missing feeling cared for and loved by people who knew me. Because of them, however, I was reminded that all would be well. That God still loved me even though I've questioned many times whether this move was worth it. That maybe there is a purpose for me here even though it still looks and feels foggy. I was reminded that I am loved and that's all anyone really needs to know. 

All that to say, it's been okay. I still miss home. I still miss familiarity. I still miss the CA sunsets and the beach. Lakes are growing on me, though. The beach and lakes are both peaceful in such opposite, but similar, ways. It's weird.

I know God has me here in this particular season with these particular people for some particular purpose that I'm going to eventually figure out.

And that's kind of the way life works, isn't it? We're all just trying to figure it out. We're trying to figure out why things are the way they are and what our role is in it. There's always bumps and transitions and unexpected surprises, but for the most part, we're okay. And on the days when we're not okay, we [ought to] look to others to pick us back up because we're not meant to maneuver through life on our own. 

I hope (and I know) that in 5 years I'll look back and say, "I am so glad I did this." It's the most interesting and difficult thing I've ever done, but it's also one of the most rewarding things I've ever done. I haven't loved every minute of it, but I do love it and that's good enough.

Picking up the pieces.

Mightier than the waves of the sea is His Love for you.

It's been over a year since I last decided to sit down and write. So much has gone on over the past year, as it always goes, and it's crazy to think how far I've come. In certain ways I've stayed the same, but in other ways I can clearly see how I've grown and changed. I'm here to tell you a little about that growth, if you're interested. Come along, come along. 

In this past year I feel as if I have been put through a fire. People have come into my life, people have been removed from my life, my dreams and desires have completely changed, and through it all I am growing more and more into who God has intended me to be all along.

It's been hard. Heart-break is hard. New responsibilities are overwhelming. I thought for sure that my life was going in one steady direction and in the span of a few months, it all just kind of slipped away and changed. It was sad and it was confusing. It was easily one of the hardest periods in my young life. My Christian faith told me to trust The Lord, trust His will, and to trust that He's working all things out for my good. That was all very, very hard to swallow. I felt like whatever future I imagined, whatever plans I had, and almost everything I had been concerned about for years had been pulled out from under my feet. I fell and I broke. I remember sitting in my room one night and just crying harder than I ever had before, or at least in a long time. It was strange. I came to the end of my rope and felt complete brokenness. 

Psalm 40: 1-2 says:

I waited patiently for The Lord; He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.

I have been lifted up. 

It's amazing when people rally around you in times of need. It's amazing that God placed old and new friends in my life at the exact moments when I needed them the most. It's amazing how an open invitation to share what's going on in your life can bring so much healing to your heart. God uses His people to lift others up and I experienced that in a most real way.

I don't know how patient I am for The Lord. It's really hard for me to wait on The Lord and listen to what He is speaking to me, but I fully believe that he inclined to me and heard my cry. He set my feet upon a rock. He is making my steps secure. It's absolutely beautiful how God healed my heart, my soul, and my mind and is now calling me to love Him with those three things, no matter how broken or messed up I may think they are. If I've learned anything in my walk with The Lord it's that He doesn't call us to be perfect. Goodness knows I've been around the block when it comes to messy relationships, words I wish I could take back, and wicked thoughts. God has taught me to follow Him as best as I can. When I fall, He calls me to pick up the broken pieces, dust myself off, not be afraid to ask for help, and continue the beautiful journey. 

Romans 8: 38-39 says:

I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I cling to this. This verse comes across my mind multiple times a day and I am reminded of the love that God has for me no matter the brokenness that exists in me. There is nothing that can take us away from the love that God has for us.  He has lifted us up from wherever we've been and whatever we've done and now He calls us to love Him and love His people, however that may look. 

I sit here today in awe of the Grace and Love that has been shown to me by God. I am thankful for all that I have and all that I am. I am excited for what's ahead. I am aware of everything I've been through and I am doing my best to pick up the pieces that remain. All the while I hear The Lord saying, "C'mon. Let's keep going. I love you and it's gonna be okay. I never said it would be easy, but I did promise I'd never leave you. It'll be alright." 

For this God is our God for ever and ever; He will be our guide even to the end. Psalm 48:14

If I think long enough about how this summer has gone so far, I am blown away by how God has provided, challenged, and revealed Himself to me in ways that I would have never thought possible. Again, if I think long enough about how this summer has gone so far, I should also find out that it wouldn't have gone any other way.

God has guided me and provided for me so many times before that I should not be surprised by what He is doing in my life this summer. He guided me to Pepperdine, through some of the hardest relationships, and through the most uncertain times in my life. Not to say that I have it all figured out, by no means, but I know that He is opening and closing certain doors to get me to where He wants me to be.

This past year was the grandest of all the college years: senior year. Along with the celebration and the accomplishments came the stress and uncertainty of, "what am I actually doing with my life?" I applied to dozens of jobs that I thought I'd do well in. In a few cases, I thought I would certainly receive a job offer after multiple interviews and what seemed to be very good impressions. Those were definitely the most disappointing rejections. I mean, to think that you are a shoe in and then find out that you weren't what they were looking for, for lack of a better term, sucks. 

When friends and family would find out that I didn't get this job or the next, the response I'd get was always, "God has a better plan for you." And they really meant it, I know they did. I just didn't believe it. All I could think of was, "Oh, shut up!" It does sometimes feel like a load of crap when someone says that God has something better or that "everything happens for a reason." 

But God is a funny. A good friend of mine suggested that I apply to this summer job with this organization called YouthWorks. It's a Christian organization that seeks to impact the lives of youth and communities through service in different parts of the United States. I began the application process one night and decided to shut it down after a few minutes. The very next day, however, I got a call from a YouthWorks representative asking if I had any questions about the application process and she encouraged me to always call if I had anything else I wanted to talk about. And so I thought, "well, why NOT apply?" The more I looked into it, the more I thought I might be a good fit. I'm a relational person. I do have experience serving in different parts of the world. And, I mean, I wouldn't mind working with kids all summer. They're not my favorite but, why not? I applied and interviewed. I loved the people I talked with and the vision they were casting about what YouthWorks was about. I loved the service aspect of the job I would be doing and I loved the idea of being all about building relationships all summer. I ended up receiving a job offer as a summer service coordinator, where my job would be to serve alongside participants and build relationships with service partners (among other things.) I was hired in March, about a month or so before graduating from Pepperdine. 

I must admit, YouthWorks wasn't my top choice in terms of "what-do-I-wanna-do-immediately-after-college" choices. I applied to many more jobs and made what I thought were many more good impressions. YouthWorks was something that I just coming back to and I was forced to always consider. I don't think I ever sat down and prayed about what to do, though I was always encouraged to do so. I think one day I just decided, "I think that's something I can do." And so I decided that I'd work for YouthWorks during the summer of 2013. 

This job, this summer, and this experience has been, hands down, one of the coolest and one of the most soul stirring things I've ever done. It's always hard to explain what we do at YouthWorks without over-simplifying it and without leaving out the most important little details. In short, I have the opportunity to work with groups of 60 or so people from all over the country. There are usually three or four different youth groups that come each week and our team of four hosts them at a church in Washington Park in Denver, CO. We build relationships with these people, we serve alongside them, we run around all day doing errands, we solve this problem or the next, we prep meals for 60+ people with the help of the youth,  we go to bed late and wake up (unfortunately) early. It's easily one of the most relentless jobs I've ever had. Groups arrive on Sunday and once they arrive we don't stop; we're always on call and always on duty until they leave on Friday mornings. I've learned so much so fast and oftentimes it's on the fly. There are no real moments of hesitation with our job; we have to make the best decisions with limited time. It's crazy and I'm always tired, but, and I didn't think I would have ever said this, I wouldn't have it any other way and I know God guided me to this exact moment in my life. 

I love it so much. 

I think the Lord is doing special things this summer through YouthWorks. I don't exactly know how to explain it, nor do I know what special things are occurring at the moment. I can just sense a stirring in my heart. I've never been at a place in my life where I am doing my best to be focused on God and at a place in my life where I am doing my best to listen to what He is saying. I love this job. I love working with these kids and I love being super silly and goofy. I love being able to minister to kids and they able to minister to me. I could literally cry as to how awesome this summer has been so far. 

The kids have opportunities to write each other notes of encouragement throughout the week and they often write to the staff. I have a lot of little notes from kids. I don't mean to come off as boasting because that's not what I intend at all. It's just so heartwarming to know that you have had an impact on a child's life and I can see each of their faces as I read their notes and it swells my heart to a place where it could just burst with joy. The more I think about what my job is, the more I fall in love with it every day. Sure, it is hard. I do get frustrated. For example, I get frustrated with team members and some adult leaders who are particular about little things but,  I am so so blessed that God has taken me to this location at this point in my life to work with these particular people. Each of them is leaving a handprint on my heart that I will never EVER forget about. I may never EVER see them again. But I know that when we get to heaven I will be able to see their faces again and be goofy and dance around with them and the Lord. It's so beautiful. 

I've been listening to a song and in the last part of the song it says, "may we learn to love like you and may we learn to fall to our faces." At this time in my life: full of transitions like being out of Pepperdine, moving back home, friends scattering around the world, and growing in important relationships, I can hear God asking, "Do you trust me? Will you finally lay everything at my feet and Trust me?" It's hard and scary because I like to control certain things in my life, but I think God is asking me to fall to my face and lift my hands up in surrender knowing full well that there is freedom in doing so. 

Recently I've been meditating much on Psalm 48. 

"Great is the Lord, and most worthy of praise, in the city of our God, his holy mountain.

Beautiful in its loftiness, the joy of the whole earth,

like the heights of Zaphon is Mount Zion, the city of the Great King.

God is in her citadels; he has shown himself to be her fortress.

When the kings joined forces, when they advanced together, they saw her and were astounded; they fled in terror. Trembling seized them there, pain like that of a woman in labor.

You destroyed them like ships of Tarshish shattered by an east wind. 

As we have heard, so we have seen in the city of the Lord Almighty, in the city of our God: God makes her secure forever.

Within your temple, O God, we meditate on your unfailing love. 

Like your name, O God, your praise reaches to the ends of the earth; your right hand is filled with righteousness.

Mount Zion rejoices, the villages of Judah are glad because of your judgments.

Walk about Zion, go around her, count her towers, consider well her ramparts, view her citadels, that you may tell of them to the next generation.

For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end."

God invites us into His presence every day. He calls us to walk about Zion; to come take a look at what He's doing in our lives; to taste and see that He is good; to consider Him well; and to meditate on His unfailing love. I may have never realized it, but God has been my guide. When I had little faith, He guided me all the more. He has brought me to a place of peace amidst uncertainty and He's slowly taking me to a place of full surrender. I know that He is inviting me deeper into relationship with Him to ponder His ways and consider Him well. 

If I think long enough about how my summer has gone so far, I am blown away by the growth that is taking place. I know I'll look back some time in the future and point out that something special happened during the summer of 2013. 

When I consider Him long enough, I find that God has given me little glimpses of His kingdom all summer long and that He will continue to do so every day of my life, I just have to open my eyes and my heart. For this God is my God who has provided for me, who has given and taken away, and who has invited ME into relationship with Him. This is my God and He will be my guide even until the end.